There are a few things I won’t stand for. Adults who use “heart” as a verb. An ill-fitting pair of jorts. And most importantly, any comparison of cats and dogs for there is no comparison. It won’t surprise you that when it comes to dogs, I’m a D.R.E.A.M.’er. If you’re on the fence, you’re wrong, but please, allow me to change your mind. Here’s why dogs should rule everything around you, too.
1. Dogs Actually Care
I don’t know if it’s the having 9 lives thing or just the result of having to lick themselves clean all day but listen: cats couldn’t care less. About anything. I mean they may care but they don’t act like they do. And would a little enthusiasm kill them?
Here’s a scientific experiment I just made up. Stop what you’re doing, rush home and tell a cat about the terrific new pair of cutoffs you picked up at lunch. How did it go? Bet they didn’t even acknowledge you, did they? And if they did, I just know the response was dripping with sarcasm and indifference. No thanks, cats, I already have a Dad for that.
In the meantime, I just performed the same experiment with my dogs. Long story short: we’re all beyond excited and getting new matching pairs of summer shorts tomorrow! If we can even wait that long.
2. They Love Life
Dogs teach us to live our best lives, like Oprah. Listen, darlings. Bad news. Life doesn’t always go according to plan – no matter how much you’ve worked, reworked and preemptively anguished over it. Its an be so easy to declare defeat, retreat into yourself and your doubts and yikes! Not with a dog or two by your side, though. Constantly providing encouragement despite setbacks or missteps, dogs are like even smaller personal hype-men. I can’t begin to tell you how many times a kind bark and a tail wag have gotten me through the most daunting of obstacles and remind me what is and what isn’t worth worrying about. Owning a dog is like getting a daily lesson in seizing the day, and so much more fun than watching Robin Williams hop around on-screen about it.
3. Best In Show
As someone who has oft been the muse of poets and writers alike, I totally understand. Dogs so strongly inspire the greatest feelings in each of us, people have no choice but to write hit films and pen chart-topping ballads about them. I assume you’ve heard of “Air Bud,” right? Of course you have. It might’ve been shortlisted by the Academy in 1996, but it won more than enough awards in the hearts of all Americans- young and old alike. And it’s widely known that 2002’s “Snow Dogs” was the nail in the coffin of Cuba Gooding, Jr.’s career. And thank heavens. Think I forgot to mention “Who Let The Dogs Out”? Think again. Dogs are the catalyst for and subject of some of the best literature, music and film the world has ever seen. And as a society, we are better for it.
4. They Have Jobs
All across America, dogs are working and working hard. (harder than any cat, that is, and also harder than me, if I’m being honest) Currently, there’s 3,000 dogs on active military duty. Another 20,000 are trained as service dogs (formally trained, that is) not to mention therapy dogs, search and rescue dogs, bomb-sniffing dogs, and the dogs employed by the Drug Enforcement Agency. I could go on for days.
5. They Keep You Safe
Dogs are protectors, in every sense of the word. Ever heard of a watch cat? You’re stumped, right? Exactly. Try to imagine a cat saving your life- trudging through a blizzard with a little barrel of brandy around it’s neck to pull you from the brink of death. Or perhaps something easier- rushing to alert you that somewhere, somehow Timmy is stuck in a well. Laughable, I know. Meanwhile, dogs are calling 911 and detecting cancer and heart disease and yep, you guessed it, bad attitudes.
6. They Wear Clothes Well
Dogs look better in a tube top than any cat ever will. If you’re unaware of the good news, besides dogs in general, its dogs wearing clothes. Or hats. Or boots. Or literally anything. Sure, you can put a piece of bread around a cat’s face, but who’s even eating bread anymore? Plus, its boring. Put a halter top on a dog and you better grab a denim skirt to match. Dress a cat in the same and dang, that’s a lot of fur.
7. There’s No Stigma
We’ve all seen what cats can do to people, and it’s not pretty. Cat ladies have that stigma partially because of patriarchal norms about who and what single women should do with their lives but also, I’d like to argue, because it’s usually true. Picture a person with five cats. I just made a note to call Hoarders on their behalf. On the other hand, imagine a person with five dogs (and yes, of course they’re wearing sunglasses). Life changing, huh? The only adjective someone gets called with a dog is “perfect.” Trust me.
8. Dogs Make You Healthier
Dogs are the figurative cement holding our broken and isolated nation together. I live in an age where I can (and do) order all my meals from the comfort of the bed I’ve been lying in for three days. I’m not complaining. But you know what they say about too much of a good thing. It can kill you, and in my case, it probably would, if not for two precocious little angels that deserve to be shown off. A 2000 study found that someone with a dog garnered three times as much social interaction with strangers than a dog-less walker (or someone walking a cat, which is essentially the same thing). So as much as I hate to admit it, we all need at least a little human interaction and dogs are by far the cutest facilitators of that.
Like I’ve been saying: dogs rule everything around me. And anyone who might protest, please, I beg you, save your breath. And maybe get a dog or two.
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